No good comes out of evil acts

Not the way to fight the good fight.

Proof that ignorance leads to intolerance

The case against homeschooling

Don't look for statistics or anything other than anecdotal evidence to support this teacher's "case."

In response to his top ten list, here is my rebuttal:

(aka: Why I am so glad my kids won't have a teacher like him):


#10: If your kid is geeky, he will be mocked, whether he was homeschooled or not. There are geeks in public schools. There are non-geeks in homeschools. Oh, and in MY school, I do not tolerate mocking. So, that would be the public school kids doing the mocking, and I'd rather not send my kids off there to learn how (thankyouverymuch).

#9: Funny thing, I attended an elementary school where we ate lunch at our desks. I really don't think it is unusual for schools to do this. Why you can't eat and learn in the same place is beyond my understanding. Why a home can't be a learning centered environment is beyond me too. Really, all learning takes is books, and most homeschoolers have those lying about (one or two or...five hundred). Oh, and every elementary aged public school kid I've ever known has attended a "pajama day" where everybody dresses in jammies and they watch movies. And they call that school?

#8: It is not my child's responsibility to teach other children. That's why we hire teachers. Is it selfish for me to care more about my own child's education than another child's? I can't raise the world. I pay my excessively high property taxes and expect the state to educate the poor. If the state can't do it, give me my money back, and I'll "adopt" a few kids and send them to a decent private school (NJ property taxes on my bitty home are over $4000 a year, enough for 2 kids at an inner city Catholic school). And another thing, the rich and the poor don't really mix. Rich people live in nice neighborhoods in good school districts. The only peers that most poor kids have are other poor kids.

#7: Really, should a self-proclaimed agnostic dare speak for God? Amazing. Anyway, there are plenty of ways to evangelize, and since they can't pray in school, I hardly think that would be the accepted venue for preaching the Word of God. They might get expelled. So, really, I'm saving everybody a lot of paperwork by just keeping them home in the first place.

#6: Whatever did we do before our best and brightest became public school teachers? Scary thought: by high school age, most kids are self-taught. Or they go to community college. Or they go to a co-op where the mom with a Master's in English Lit teaches the kids with a mom who has a Master's in Chemistry. Homeschoolers are resourceful and not limited to the talent found within the local school.

#5: As a mother, the NEA kind of pisses me off. When we got married, my husband and I included "not putting our kids in public schools" in our vows (I omitted "obey" and put this in instead).

#4: I hardly think the college students mocking homeschoolers (see #1) is a fine example of tolerance and acceptance of alternative lifestyles. It's safe to say that less than 5% of the people in this country were homeschooled, and yet bigotry is still prevalent. Seems to me like brick-and-mortar schools are doing a piss-poor job of teaching tolerance. Of course, I also think it isn't their job to do that. I have this crazy idea that schools are for learning things like how to read and write, not having somebody else's values taught.

#3: You are so right. My kids are totally missing out on learning curse words, how to talk back to their parents and be disrespectful of other adults, how funny toilet humor is, what websites contain free porn, three dozen different slang terms for blowjob, what drugstores will sell cigarettes to minors, who sells marijuana, and which girls are putting out. The poor dears. It worries me how they will ever function in an office environment when they're grownups.

#2: I have no idea what Henry's full quote was or what he meant by it. I do not see homeschooling as risky. I definitely see public schools as risky. And no, I will not gamble with my child's education. That is why I homeschool.

#1: Name calling, intolerance. Really, you need to examine your prejudices. Maybe get away from the school building for a little while and experience real life and real people outside of an institutional setting. Being with like-minded people so much really skews your perspective on life. Maybe you need to meet some real homeschoolers and get to know them a bit before judging. Don't let their geekiness turn you away. Try to see past the way they don't seem to care much what you think about them and get to know how their minds operate.

Sibling rivalry

My kids were caught being nice to each other.


"There's nothing to do," she moans during every baseball game. "Some of us are watching the game," I'll suggest. But hugging your brother is another option.

Tickle the baby: nearly 20 months in, and the game still hasn't gotten old for either of them.

Sharing the iPod. We have a docking station, but it's not out on the deck. And this leaves one ear free to listen to the birds.

All she had to do was knock

Right now, my biggest source of entertainment is the toddler on the cusp of talking.

She "talks" a lot. And "sings." With gusto. But the words are all her own secret language.

She just came in and ranted for a full minute. I occasionally interjected with an "Oh, no!" or "Really?" or "And then what?" She had hand gestures, and she stomped her feet. I caught the word "door" and what passes for "Jenny" and then finally she grabbed my hand and pulled. Off we went to see the source of her consternation, which seemed to be that Jenny had closed her bedroom door and she wanted in. Jenny opened the door, and the complaining stopped.

Temperaments in Marriage

The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse by Art and Laraine Bennett is a follow up to the book The Temperament God Gave You. I had not read the latter, and was concerned that I wouldn't quite "get" the temperaments as they are defined in the books: choleric, sanguine, melancholic and phlegmatic. There is an overview at the beginning of the Spouse book which, I think, adequately identifies the temperaments - enough to make some sense of the book itself. There is also this quiz which is more in depth and might help those who have characteristics bridging more than one temperament.

With the difficult and often frustrating task of "getting along with others" it is helpful to have some guidance in how to communicate with those who don't think quite the way we do. And when that someone is our spouse - someone with whom we have to deal on a constant basis - lack of understanding can lead to hurt feelings which, over time, can seriously damage a relationship.

The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse explains that your soul mate isn't really trying to drive you nuts; he or she just is the way he is. The first part of the book describes each temperament in the role of spouse (and parent). In the second part, the book explains the best ways for a spouse to communicate with each temperament as well as offers tips for that temperament in dealing with others. It then goes on to describe the dynamics of each marriage, whether one marries someone of a like temperament or if one is in a "mixed" marriage.

This book is a good resource for ideas on how to improve communication within a marriage. You do not need to have read their first book to understand this book, although I intend to read The Temperament God Gave You for greater insight into each temperament, personalities of mixed temperaments, and how to parent children of different temperaments, which I think would be useful knowledge (anybody have a copy they want to loan me?).

I will say that I am not entirely sold on the whole temperament-as-an exclusive-way-to-classify-people idea. I would certainly hesitate to say something like, "Oh, you're reacting this way because you're a (fill in the blank)." Perhaps it is because I am a mixed temperament (choleric-sanguine), and my husband is even more mixed (primarily melancholic-sanguine) that I have trouble saying, "Oh, that is so - us," to any of the relationships listed. Rather, I saw threads of commonality in most of the temperaments and found the communication techniques described in the book as generally useful for most people most of the time.


This review was written as part of The Catholic Company product reviewer program. Visit The Catholic Company to find out more about The Temperament God Gave Your Spouse.

oh, we'll pay alright

Study: Average Family Pays $1G a Year to Cover the Uninsured

This article's main point is that when people receive health care, somebody has to pay. And if someone without insurance receives health care, those of us with insurance pay a "hidden tax" in the form of higher medical costs and therefore higher premiums.

Horrible.

So, naturally, the solution is to get everybody some health insurance, right?

Except that a lot of people who don't have insurance, do not have it because they are unemployed and could not afford it. Or they are employed, but their employer (who may be themself) doesn't offer it, and they themselves can't afford it, so they go without.

So, if they can't afford it, but we make them get it, who is going to pay for it?

Yeah, basically the same folks paying for it now. It just won't be a hidden tax.

Incriminating evidence

Could this be why I gained five pounds while family was visiting?

How many kids can you fit in that bathtub? Is there room for one more?

Four cousins sleeping (yes, that's a toe sticking out amidst all that blanket).

Mary Moments

Sarah is hosting a carnival for Our Lady:

Tomorrow (today, actually, I'm just a bad blog friend) is the Mary Moments Carnival!

Are you ready?

Have you found the link in your archive or written something about Mary? Don't forget we're focusing on parenthood (but don't let that stop you either).

Will you leave a comment and share the discussion about Mary?

We have an entire week of Mary's month of May left, so let's kick it off with a memorial to our Blessed Mother.

You can comment and leave a link here.

In gratitude

From Caleb and Jonathan Harrington to Cpl. Ryan C. McGhee, thank you.

May the souls of the faithful departed rest in peace.

Two for the Road

As my husband writes in his Memorial Day post, we are listening to Rolling Thunder all day and night this weekend.

"Mommy!" Jenny runs in breathlessly. "There's a man here on a motorcycle!"

Peter's eyes were gleaming with excitement.

It was just a coworker stopping by because his son needed a potty break, and we were a convenient stop. They used the facilities, declined lemonade because the sky looked threatening (and likely because Bill and the boys were not home), and were on their way. Peter, the girls, and I stepped outside to watch them go, the roar of the engine quickening our pulses and painting silly grins on our faces.

A few weeks ago, Bill was disappointed when he pointed out a very pretty bike on eBay and I told him that he couldn't have it.

It had only one seat.

So, how was your afternoon? Mine was...well...

"Interview?" asked the sales clerk looking at the black suit and blouse I placed on the counter.

Caught off guard, I answered with brutal honesty, "Actually, my husband is deploying, and I want to have something appropriate to wear...just in case..."

It took her a moment to regain her composure.

Me, too.

Mental note: if ever I go shopping with another women who needs such attire, prevent any and all interactions between the woman and the sales staff. She will not need to deal with that.


The unit with which Bill is deploying requires all sorts of paperwork, including the usual "Next of Kin" to notify in case of a tragedy. He hoped to spare me the discomfort of answering questions like "Who do you want to officiate at your funeral?" and "Where do you want to be buried?" But then he saw that I had to sign the form, so he clued me in.

It's a good thing, too. I think I am much more suited to answer questions like "Besides the official party, who do you want to be present when your spouse is notified?" And although I am confident that he can plan a decent burial for himself, I would like to have some say in what Gospel reading is read.

"How about this: 'In my Father's house there are many dwelling places. If there were not, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and take you to myself, so that where I am you also may be...'"

"I like that," he said.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Fritz, passing by just then. Ever notice that kids are always attracted to the wrong conversations?

"We're just talking about passages from the Bible," I answered, blowing him off.

"But what are you doing?" he pressed. Obnoxiously astute kid.

"We're just reading from the Bible," I insisted. He went away.

I was a bit grateful for his interruption, though. I did okay through the other selections, but that one got me a bit teary. It was the same way at the store. I took three suits into the dressing room. The third one was the one I liked best. I looked in the mirror and asked myself if this was how I wanted to look for my husband's funeral, and that moment of decision was emotional. But it was then that I became aware of the rather loud background music blaring in the store. I don't know who was singing or the rest of the words, but the refrain right then was, hopefully, the theme song of my life:

"Everything's gonna be alright..."

Me, too

I plead the 10th.

Hendrick's and me

Perfect together.

This is no holy war

But first, a funny story. Mistakes that local, but non-military, kids make in this Northern Virginia area:

While driving on Route 395 through Arlington, Neighbor Girl looks over and sees a very large building. "Is that that hexagon building?" she asks.

Pentagon...hexagon...same thing.



Pentagon Briefings No Longer Quote the Bible

The Pentagon said Monday it no longer includes a Bible quote on the cover page of daily intelligence briefings it sends to the White House as was practice (sic) during the Bush administration.


Whatever. I don't really care if the cover page that nobody really reads has a Bible quote or not.

What gets me going is the Rev. Barry W. Lynn, executive director of Americans United for Separation of Church and State, suggesting that a Bible quote on a Pentagon brief portrays American soldiers as crusaders.

Let me tell you, the military is the one place where we do not want to remove God. The military, like the rest of America, is worldly, secular, and materialistic. There are pockets of religiously-minded people, but they run the gamut of all religions, and include varying degrees of devotion to that religion. And, just like the rest of America, there are many, among those who are "devout," who "homechurch" or otherwise worship in their own manner, like seeing the beauty of God in a quiet golf course on a Sunday morning.

There is no lock-step, no single-mindedness, no communal belief in a higher calling.

And when you're talking about "boots on the ground" soldiers, the ones actively engaging the potential enemy, you have a population that is mostly under 25. Like the rest of America, this age group is the least likely to consider themselves devout anything.

As uncomfortable as this concept may be for the average civilian, a soldier's primary job is to defend and protect, which is a really nice way of saying kill. They are not a police force, designed to capture bad guys and bring them to a court system for justice. Although most (the old and the wise) soldiers hope that by carrying guns and looking tough, the bad guys will decide to pick on easier targets - like Europe - they all know that their job description includes "eliminating" threats.

Do we want a godless Army?

Do we want soldiers who don't believe that there are any eternal consequences for their behavior on the battlefield or off? What, then, will keep them from crossing the line from killing during a battle to murdering anything that crosses their line of sight? We expect soldiers to make split second decisions - is that a combatant hiding in the closet or a little child? I have a hard time believing that fear of prosecution is a greater motivator to make the right choice than fear of eternal damnation, especially if your fellow soldiers and commanding officer and entire chain of command are equally unconcerned about morality. For at some point, the thought of "getting away with it" will permeate the organization if there aren't any Jiminy Crickets in the bunch.

Bill's job is hard and there are many long hours. In many ways it is incompatible with the family-centered lifestyle we desire, and the sacrifices required by the children and I are tremendous. He certainly isn't in it for the money, and even if he were, the risk - and the fear - of sending a husband and father off to war and getting back a body in a box or a broken and changed man does not at times seem worth it. Dying does not bother my husband nearly as much as the thought of leaving behind a widow and six orphans to cope with the mess their lives suddenly became. And leaving that possibility aside, there are only so many baseball games or ballet recitals that you can miss before you start to doubt that this is the right career path.

But the military needs family men who can see their own child's eyes reflected in those of a scrawny kid in Kosovo. It needs men who derive comfort from, as well as fear, a just God who reads the hearts of all and knows the truth of what you do. A moral man does not obey an unlawful order. Take God out of the military and you risk creating a power unfettered by conscience.

So, again, whatever. No more Bible quotes on Pentagon briefs. But may the civilians whose sensibilities are so disturbed at the thought of soldiers deriving comfort and direction from the Word of God hold their own behavior and choices to such a supreme standard.

Home or Away

At home, the baby (who will remain "the baby" until she grows hair and can say more than a dozen words) must be in close physical contact with me at all times.

She does not care that I am trying to pay bills online. She wants to be cradled in my arms while she watches the birds on our deck outside the window.

"Brr," she says.

"Yes, a cowbird," I reply.

"Brr," she says.

"Yes, a downy woodpecker," I reply.

"Brr," she says.

"Yes, a hummingbird. Don't you want to go watch TV?" I ask. Sign me up for the bad mom club. I just want 15 minutes to pay my phone bill.

She does not care that I want to make dinner. It is really difficult to chop an onion with a 22 pound baby on your hip.

She does not care that I want to plant gladiolus bulbs. Or mow the lawn. She had fun in the backpack the other day, but then she got hungry. "Eeeeet," she said in my ear. And just in case I didn't catch it over the roar of the motor, she pulled my hair until I turned to her and put her fingers to her mouth.

Away from home, the baby does not want to be anywhere near me. Oh, how I would love to sit and watch my boys play baseball. She could sit in my lap, and we could happily talk about birds in between pitches. But, no, she wants to go play in the parking lot. Or balance on the curb to the street. Or wander along the fence past the outfield.

I would love to sit and eat a meal in a restaurant. I am quite adept at eating with a child on my lap. I could even discuss birds in between bites. But the baby would rather crawl under the table and down the aisles. We took Fritz out to dinner for his birthday today, and I spent quite a bit of time in the lobby.

I would love to hold her close while shopping. After dinner, Fritz wanted to buy some Legos with birthday money. The baby went in the backpack. But she was not happy. She wanted to inspect the toys. She wanted to run up and down. She wanted to be free.

Perhaps if the store had had a bird section, she would have been happy to observe them from my back.

"Brr," she would say.

"Yes, a canary," I might reply.

Maybe I should decorate my house with large, red bulls'-eyes and put all the kids' toys on metal shelving covered with shrink-wrap. I could probably pay the bills, make dinner and mow the lawn before she even noticed I was gone.

Suicidal Surprises

When I talked to Bill at 8 pm, he was annoyingly vague about his travel plans for his return tomorrow.

"You mean you don't even have a set time you're meeting for breakfast?" I asked.

"We'll probably meet about 630 and then head out," he replied. Please, dear, try to contain your enthusiasm for coming home.

I had to get off the phone for prayers and to get the kids off to bed. "I'm not going to call you later," I informed him, "I want to try to get some work done."

An hour later, I finally had the baby asleep. I ignored the sink of dirty dishes and sat down to check email. A minute later, I saw the taillights of a car pulling past my window deeper into the driveway. Who is that? I wondered in alarm. Quickly my brain raced through a mental list as I sprung into action: Where is the dog? Are all the doors locked? Where is the phone? Do I call Bill (to confirm that it's NOT him) or the police first? Where is the gun? We don't have any ammo - is there any point?

After checking that the doors were indeed locked and with phone in hand, I went to the door and turned on the outside lights and waited to see who would appear on the steps. I told myself it had to be Bill, because he pulled to the left in the drive where he normally parks, instead of to the right where most people would naturally pull. But Bill was in another state, or so he seemed to claim not an hour before.

Of course, it was Bill. He wanted to surprise me. And when, 10 minutes later, I still had an unpleasant adrenaline rush, he said, "Oh, that's right, you don't like surprises."

I'll be happy, darling, just as soon as I calm down.

Katie's First Holy Communion

This was two Saturdays ago, but I'm finally getting around to putting up pictures. (Forgive me, Katie, I've been a wee bit busy.)

Katie and her friend Eva.

Katie and her Godparents, Uncle Glenn and Nana.

Katie. I made her dress, originally for my niece, Morgan. It was lovely not having to worry about sewing my own daughter one. I did contemplate making her a veil, but after considering my long list of to-dos, and after a brief look at the inexpensive, but quite beautiful, options on eBay, I wisely delegated that task to a third party.

Step One

The first stage is denial.

*******

It's no big deal, really. Bill is TDY for a few days. He hasn't been away for quite some time - a month, perhaps. I don't even have time to miss him, and, in fact, I get less done when he's away because he calls me and I have trouble folding laundry with a phone in my ear.

But this isn't just any TDY. He's off doing a meet-and-greet with the unit with which he's supposed to deploy in the not-too-distant future. This is the beginning of the physical process of deploying. Next, my home will begin to resemble an Army surplus store - a disorganized Army surplus store - with piles of tan camo colored gear in every corner. Then there will be the stacks of Army paperwork in official looking folders mixed with not-so-official looking reams of loose computer printouts of packing lists and other information.

But, it's no big deal. That's all another day. Right now, he's just away for a bit. He'll be home before we really miss him.

Right.

Not just in China anymore

Sweden allows sex-selective abortions

If it makes the Swedish doctors uncomfortable, you know it's bad.

I hate goodbyes

My sister and her family are at the airport. It was tough dropping them off. We are hoping that the stars align for another reunion next summer at Cedar Point.


My parents, celebrating 40 years of marriage.

The kids and spouses.

The grandkids.

The whole gang.

COL Mustard, and family.

Mr. Boddy?

Professor Plum, and family.

Miss Scarlett.

Mr. Green, and family.

I really recommend The Picture People for large groups and small kids. Didn't they do an awesome job?

Education

How to Wake Up Slumbering Minds


The point of this article, though it doesn't say it, is that kids need to be taught how to think (aka: a classical or even traditional education). Most homeschoolers are checking this block. It is the public school systems that care more about test results than true education who have failed in this regard. I don't know what the answer is. Schools need to be accountable for children's educations, and we need some way to measure that (testing). Trust me, I understand the pressures of having a child pass the test. But I worry about that one mere week a year, not all year long.


Love this quote from the article: Mr. Willingham makes a convincing case that the distinction between visual, auditory and kinesthetic learners (who supposedly learn best when body movement is involved) is a specious one. At some point, no amount of dancing will help you learn more algebra.

Old fashioned memorization and drilling in the younger grades has proven over centuries to raise intelligent thinking adults. Are the public schools ever going to learn from their successes?

Update from the Capital of Chaos

Both my sister and her husband have complained about my lack of posts recently.

"You're getting to be like Bill," Barbara said this morning.

"How are we going to know what is going on in your life?" moaned BIL while he was sitting next to me at the breakfast table a few days ago.


Right now, these two are teaching the children how to play poker.


My oldest brother and his wife and daughter left yesterday. They had some lame excuses about work and school obligations.


My parents and other brother are leaving tomorrow. Where did that time go?


The hot water seems to be sufficient, but the biggest complaint seems to be the malfunction of my bathroom scale. It apparently is showing heavier and heavier measurements every day.


So far, no ER visits. And I actually see the sun peeking from behind the clouds. Maybe, just maybe, we'll have some nice weather before the party is over.