To: all family members
From: The Lady of the House and the Laundry Mistress
1. Please allow a minimum of 24 hours for all special laundry requests.
2. Please reduce the need for special laundry requests by taking dirty laundry to any of the appropriate "dirty laundry" receptacles located in the house.
a. The main laundry receptacle is located in the laundry room. Even the floor is acceptable, if the proper receptacle is full, or if you are too lazy or ignorant to sort your laundry.
b. The master laundry receptacle is located in the master bathroom.
c. The kids' laundry receptacle is located in the upstairs hall bathroom.
d. Please ask for further assistance if you are unable to locate the appropriate receptacles or if you desire knowledge about proper laundry sorting.
3. If special laundry requests are necessary, gifts and favors for the Laundry Mistress are acceptable and prevent the need to extend the special laundry request time frame to 48 hours notice.
a. Appropriate gifts and favors include, but are not limited to: appreciative remarks, hugs and kisses, flowers, cash and diamonds.
b. Rude or obnoxious behavior or additional special requests of the Lady of the House will result in a termination of your special laundry request and bar you for a period of at least one week, but not to exceed one month, from any special requests.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
And for goodness sake, if you give the Laundry Mistress a special request, please at least pretend to need those clothes after all.